Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
