I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize