so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
