im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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