we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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