I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
