Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
