i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Can I color on your dick again?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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