im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
