Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
