I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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