forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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