hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
