i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
