You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize