Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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