like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
