I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
