Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
