you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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