Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
