is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
