I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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