Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
