Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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