I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
