Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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