all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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