If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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