A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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