btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Your penis caused this!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
