I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.