if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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