my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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