so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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