What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
false alarm, still single
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