Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
