well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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