What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
