Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
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Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
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Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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