Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
