i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
