"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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