if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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