did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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