Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
