Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
