just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
