either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
