cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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