so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
