He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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