You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
