Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
