Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
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if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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