this beer tastes like vomit already
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Randomize
