I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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