In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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