Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
