nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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