1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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