So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize