You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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