Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
