I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
