I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
