I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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