Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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